Happily Never After
by Peachy Lime Daiquiri
Summary: Ray hates teen fiction. Sam wishes he lived in it. Oneshot, Onesided slash


Warning, people, this is SLASH! Again. Get used to it, I'm kinda on that kick right now. Oh, and it's not a happy fic. Again. I'm writing a happy one soon, I promise!

Um…yeah. That's about it.

DISCLAIMER: "Oh, ye immoral man of low fiber! You should really eat more bran."

……………

He looked shyly up into my eyes, and I felt a jolt in my heart. He was never shy with me about anything.

"Because…" He bit his lip and looked away, almost shamefully.

"Why?" I prompted softly.

"Because I love you," he said to my left shoulder in a voice barely above a whisper.

I stared in shock. He loved me? The best friend I'd been in love with for months? He loved _me?_

His head dropped dejectedly at my silence. "Um, well, I'm gonna go, then," he mumbled, and turned to leave.

"Wait." I grabbed his arm. "Are you serious? You…you _love_ me?"

His eyes stayed glued to the floor. "Yeah," he said unhappily. "Nothing has to change," he added quickly, looking up at me. "We can…we can still be friends, right?"

I could feel a smile cracking through my face. "But I don't want to be friends."

He didn't see the smile, and his face fell. "Oh."

"I want to be your girlfriend."

His head whipped up. "What?" he asked dumbly.

I put a hand on his cheek. "I love you."

"This is bullshit!"

Sam glanced up from his English homework to see a paperback book soar through the air and slam against the wall. He looked back from its crumpled state on the floor to where it had come from: his roommate, Ray Crisp. "What's bullshit?"

Ray gestured at the book. "That," he said. "That _thing_ and its disgusting teen romance."

"Well, it's a teen fiction," Sam said. "It wouldn't exactly have adult romance."

"You know what I mean," Ray huffed. "The romance is so _typical_. Standard best friend to boyfriend thing. That barely works in real life."

"Going from best friend to boyfriend?" Sam asked.

Ray nodded. "Usually, the crusher dismisses it as a crush and hopes it passes. If it doesn't, they keep it as a secret."

"For how long?"

"Until they get over them. Then they get older and get married, and if they're still in touch all those years later it's just another thing to laugh over from the good ol' days."

"You seem to know a lot about this sort of thing," Sam noted.

Ray shrugged. "I don't. But I do know that cookie-cutter romance does not work in real life."

"Really?"

Ray rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sam. What would you do if I suddenly professed my eternally undying love for you?"

"Tell you that using eternally and undying together is repetitive."

Ray threw his shirt at Sam (he ducked; it hit him anyway). "Besides that, grammar nazi."

Sam thought about it. "…Go tomato red from the awkwardness of it all?"

Ray nodded. "And then you'd never be able to look at me the same again, because you'd know that I'm in love with you and you really just don't see me that way and things would never be the same ever again."

Sam was tempted to comment on the repetitiveness of never and ever, but decided against it in case Ray chucked a shoe at his head. "True," he agreed. "And it'd probably be a while before you'd get over me."

"If ever," Ray added. "And that is why I hate teen fiction. There are no happily ever afters in real life."

"Then why'd you read it?" Sam asked.

"Jubes lent it to me," Ray said dully. "She said it was really good."

"She also said the exact same thing about Eerie Queerie to get you to read those," Sam said.

"Good point," Ray said. "Remind me never to fall for it again."

"Like you'd listen to me," Sam snorted. "…Listen, you're not really in love with me, right?"

Ray gave him an okay-EW look (Sam personally thought it made him look a bit like a hamster). "'Course not. You're like a little brother to me." He reached over and flipped off the light. "Night."

Sam tossed his shirt back. "Hey, don't leave me with your shirt."

Ray threw it back haphazardly (it draped itself gracefully on Sam's head). "Happy Birthday," he said, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"It's not my birthday for months," Sam said, plucking the shirt off. "And that is one crappy present."

"Stick it in the hamper, promise I'll get you a puppy," Ray mumbled, half-asleep.

"Deal," Sam said. "Goodnight."

A snore answered him.

Sam turned away from Ray, hugging the shirt to his chest. Tears he insisted weren't there flowed down his face and landed on his pillow while he bit his lip to keep from making a sound.

Ray was completely right about teen romances. There was no such thing as happily ever after. Best friends just didn't fall in love with each other. And if one of them did…well, kiss that friendship goodbye.

Things would never be the same again.

Sam wished he could escape to a teen fiction world, where his best friend would turn around and profess his love for him in a random fit of passion. Instead, he lived in reality, where his best friend would never do that even staring down the barrel of a gun.

He'd lied. The shirt was one of the best presents he'd ever gotten. He pressed it to his face, breathing in its scent. He'd have to put it in the hamper in the morning, but for the night he could savor its presence and dream in peace.

He hugged the shirt tighter, wishing he could do the same to its owner. He wished he could say those three little words to its owner, watch its owner say those three little words back.

But all he'd ever have was this shirt.

Maybe if he kept it, Ray wouldn't notice. Sam didn't want a puppy, anyway.

But no, Ray might find it and ask questions that would rip apart their friendship. Sam would force himself to put it in the hamper before Ray woke up.

He resigned himself to years of torment, only comforted by the fact that as long as Ray never found out, they'd always be friends.

Sam nestled the shirt against his cheek and drifted off to dreams of longing and false hope.

Happily ever after was overrated, anyway.

……………

Geez, I write a lot of angst. This was a lighter sort of angst than my other one, though. (Light angst…that sounds funny.) Maybe one of these days I'll write a sugar-filled crack fic to make up for it. Review, please!


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